Assertive guidelines you can live up to

Jules Ciotta

• For your own feelings.
• For your treatment of other people.
• For your own actions and the results you get.

Ask yourself:  "Who is responsible for what has happened here so far?  And who is responsible for what is about to happen?"

2. Stick to your guns:

• Don't allow others to deny your basic human rights.
• Don't allow others to use you as a scapegoat.
• Don't allow others to sidetrack you.

Ask yourself:  "Is this confrontation centering on what I consider to be the most important issue?

3. Be understanding of others:

• Let others express themselves.
• Keep in touch with what they want.

Ask yourself: "Am I absolutely certain I understand this other person's needs, wants and point of view?  Am I equally certain he or she understands mine?"

4. Be conscious of your body language:

• Check the message you're sending out.

Ask yourself:  "Do I look assertive today?"

5. Practice choosing your responses:

• Go through all four typical responses before you choose one to deliver.
• Check out your thoughts and feelings before you choose your response.
• Physically practice each response before you choose one to deliver.

Ask yourself:  "How do I feel?  What are my options?  Which is the most effective way to get what I want?"

6. Be an active listener:

• Think and reflect while you're listening.
• Examine carefully what is said by whom.
• Hold off on thinking of rebuttals.
• Stay alert; give signs of active listening.

Ask yourself:  "Have I been an attentive listener?  Do I know as much as possible about what is said and what is felt by the speaker?"

Jules Ciotta is president of Motivation Communications Associates. He can be reached at (770) 457-4100 or julesciotta@comcast.net.