Motivating and communicating

Steps to assert yourself

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You need to have a direct exchange with one of your co-workers, but you can't seem to bring yourself to march into the person's office and speak your mind.  If you find yourself hesitating when you need to deal with a potential conflict, follow these steps:

  • Define your goal.  Knowing that your demands are legitimate will give you the resolve you need to speak to your co-worker.  Evaluate the other person's needs and think of possible solutions that will benefit both of you.
  • Anticipate possible responses.  Run through the various responses that you might receive and your rebuttals to each.  It may be helpful to write down the potential conversation and rehearse your responses.  That way, you won't be caught off guard.
  • Relax. Often, we overestimate the potential negative consequences, which causes fear and makes communicating more difficult.  In most cases, the worst that can happen is that your request is refused and you look for other solutions. 
  • Do it.  Once you've rehearsed and relaxed, go for it!
  • Evaluate.  When your exchange is finished, take some time to go over how it could have been better or recognize what you've done well.  The first few times that you try being direct, it may feel uncomfortable.  With practice, you will become more skilled and assertive.

Jules Ciotta is president of Motivation Communications Associates. He can be reached at (770) 457-4100 or julesciotta@comcast.net.

Ciotta, assertiveness training
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